Saturday, 14 February 2015

For My Valentine


Hey Honey,
I know what date it is today. But I haven't got you anything.

The reason is not that I forgot or didn't try. I did, as excruciatingly as I could.

The reminders started coming in early. A week before, the apps on my phone started sending me the popup notifications- " Tell her you love her" and " Don't you want to tell Swati how special she is?" I got really scared at the last one. How did they know your name? I remembered that I had given them access to my Facebook profile. I should manage my privacy better.

The notifications worked their magic. I found myself sifting through the apps to find something to gift you. The prices were naturally hiked. There were some special packages on a discount but their quality could not be trusted. Buy her something expensive and she will be mad that you spent all this money. Buy her something cheap and you will feel ashamed about your choice.
This went on for two days.
The hustle of work made me forget all about the day until I met Ravi for lunch two days back. He was describing how he had bought a diamond set and planned an exquisite meal for Heena. They had been having frequent fights and this would serve as an excellent distraction from it all as well as satiate his guilt about having an inappropriate crush on his secretary. Basically, this day served as a pawn in the politics of marriage.
I returned to my desk unperturbed, but not for long.
A plethora of articles started coming in- “20 things you can do to make her feel special”, “20 places you should take your partner to” and “16 reasons why Valentines Day is so important”. Then came the other backlash, surprisingly by the same publications- “18 reasons why it’s fine if you are alone”, ” 20 instances when it was proved that V Day is stupid “etc etc. There were tons of videos with creative ideas about what one can do- write a song, slow dance, a proposal by some guy in Europe etc. I was feeling a sudden surge of pressure on my mind.

I rushed to the nearest mall and gift shops. Naturally, they were all jam-packed to the full with nervous teenagers thronging the aisles. I went to a boutique shop to look at perfumes which you already have. I could overhear the chatter of the boys.

" This is expensive stuff man. You sure you want to buy this?"

" Yeah. Trust me, this is the full proof plan of getting laid, get her something pricey and she will do anything to please you."

Was I this stupid when I was a teenager? Then I thank you for saving me!
The chatter changed to nervous excitement  -professing love by what they are buying, perusing the various banal cards to find one which can fake their emotions the best and some juvenile soft toy she can pretend she likes.
What a mad sight it was. Talking bears and cheap theatrics on one side and wallet slitting gems on the other. Everyone circling around like commercial monkeys, trying to prove the intangible with the most appropriate commercial offering. Why was I here?

I guess I answered that question sub-consciously as I walked out of the place.
I passed many restaurants and even inquired at few. They all claimed full reservations save for one, which I booked immediately. I expected to feel relieved but instead felt even more restless. I wasn't sure whether I wanted this either. Then came today morning.

I opened my eyes to see you, like I have done so many days of the year. But there was nothing different about the day. I felt the same I always have. Was that a bad thing?
I did not feel alone or scared or vulnerable but what I always did when you were around-safe. This made things so much more clear.

I cannot love you as per what day of the year it is. The commercial complex had beaten my self-esteem to its lowest by making me crave for validating my love. I would always be the happiest buying you things when you least expected them and with the sole intention of pleasing you, not to answer a societal norm. I didn't intend to start today.

So darling, I am sorry. Today your girlfriends might send you the photos of all the things they did and they will show-off the annual love their spouses showered but I can't. I can just give you the same love I do everyday. 

I can't wait to come home to watch the same crappy television show with you and cook my bland sad food. I look forward to vehemently debating who was better-John or Paul. But most of all, I wish to just lie in your lap as you read to me- like my daily lullaby.

Regards,

A Man Whose Love Doesn't Need Validation Or Reassurance.

PS: Say what you want, this day did give some nice music!




3 comments:

  1. Congratulations! Your blog post has been featured in this week's Tangy Tuesday Picks on BlogAdda! Thanks for a wonderful blog post. You can see it here - http://adda.at/Tangy1702

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  2. Best valentine letter by a guy! Kudos to your thinking :)

    Keirthana

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  3. Wow! totally loved reading this one! so true and I totally agree. Congrats on the Tangy Tuesday pick!!
    I also had similar thoughts over the V-Day just gone by. Read when you get time - https://happinessandfood.wordpress.com/2015/02/14/whats-in-a-v-day/

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