Wednesday, 18 September 2013

Confessions of a Naive Thief.

"Damn Aziz! Tomorrow someone will come and bail you out. Till then atleast entertain us. We hear that no thief in Mumbai can match your exploits."
Two men in a Khaki shaded uniform addressed a set of steel bars. A figure behind the bars appears, but barely shows his face.
"That depends. Are you holding a cigarette?"
"Oh sure! Ganesh, give him a cigarette and lighter."
Aziz sits with smoke enveloping his presence. The two men also sit in front of the bars.
"This was the time when I had got a fake gun and planned on gaining extra honey for the weekend. But I encountered 3 youths which changed the whole goddamn plan. The three of them must have a difference of only a couple of years  between them and yet so different."
"The first one I found in a quiet lane all by himself. He was wearing a school uniform and had two cell phones in his hand. He gave the clear impression that he used to have baths in money every day. So I decided to make him my first client on the steep turning of the lane. A black cloth covered my face as I placed the gun on the back of his head and asked him to kneel down. The little shit starts crying and begging.
"Please brother, don't kill me. I am still in the 10th grade. I have only slept with one girl. I want to sleep with atleast four more. I want to go to clubs and drink till I collapse. I want to smoke a cigar. This vacation, we are going to Goa. Please, I want to go. I want to be with a group of people who do not care about me but will accept me if I join them in doing hash and ganja. Please I want people, I want to have fun. I want to have girlfriends and cheat on them. I want to know what an open relationship feels like. I want to push my parents with my recklessness and destroy my life. Then I want to sit back and watch them salvage my life because they love me. Please I want to live, please."
"I know what you guys are thinking. Of all the things in the world, this guy begs me for his life so that he can destroy it. And the honesty. The honesty which flowed for a person he had known for less than five minutes. The truth is always stranger than fiction."
"I took away all his cash and one of his phones. He ran like a dog released from his cage. I loved the gun. I wished I could put the gun on everyone in my life to make them honest."
"The second turd of a man was seen by me on a busy road in Bandra. The day had dampened my high hopes and I needed a score. This fellow was weak with thick spectacles and holding a phone in his hand which consumed the entirety of his attention. Easy target. I waited for him to make a turn in a nearby lane and I shoved him to an isolated space."
"Please, please leave me. I don't have anything"
"I grabbed his phone and was about to push him away when I saw something which widened my eyes behind that black mask. A woman in skimpy clothes, what do you call that "beekiini", yes that. On something called "Instagram". Yes I can read a little. Below there was a number something… 150 +.
“I enquired about what I was looking at?"
"Seriously? You don't know Instagram?"
“I gave a threatening look in reply and he recoiled with profuse apologies.”
"It's an app where you can put up photos and your followers can see these photos. It is the best thing for boys man, there are twice as many uploads than facebook, beautiful girls uploading anything and everything they have clicked. I am also able to save some of them through a hack, here let me show you my collection"
There were thousands of photos of women, in different folders, one saying "Facebook", “Twitter”, “Instagram”. He looked at them as they were his own and with a glee and smile. I could swear he was hungry.
"Why?"
"Why? What you think anyone will go out with me? I am a gigantic loser. Plus with these women spilling everything online, I already feel I am dating atleast 5 of them." he responded with a sinister smile.
"You know Bopare Saheb, last week when you arrested Raju for teasing that girl in his chawl? What about this guy? He has teased more girls than my entire gang combined. Where is his lockup?"
The audience was silent. Bopare then asks," What did you do next?"
"I took his phone and sold it."
"You know Aziz that your buyer must have extracted those photos and uploaded them online."
"No, he can't. I got the weirdo to delete everything on his phone and give to me. I then hit his face with the gun. I warned him that if I find out that he was again doing this, I will make him pay. It's disgusting; we tease women in front of them and get slapped for it. This guy spies on thousands of daughters and gets away scot-free."
"My last encounter was the most interesting one."
"I followed him from Dadar station. He was wearing a tie and looked like an office guy. I took my chance in the empty urinal and shoved him to the floor with a stern demand to empty his pockets."
"Don't kill me. I have just started with my life. I want to dream and live to see those dreams break in front of me. I want to find someone whom I can love and trust and then wait to see who the first to break that love and trust is. I want to begin with ideals and values and then sell them out to survival. I want to have kids and kill their dreams. I want to throw my back out in working for my family and then die of a deadly disease in my 50's. Or I want to wait and see who wins. Whether I die with the blast of a nuclear explosion decimating me or a flood which submerges this city with unprecedented weather. I want to live to give taxes to leeches that do nothing for me and destroy my world by creating more thieves like you. Yes this is the future, the shittiest one, but I still want to live."
"His words hit me in an inexplicable way. I put my gun back and told him to get out. I did not snatch anything from him."
"He got up and hugged me as he cried. He then walked as fast as he could out of the urinal. I felt a strange sense of joy and amusement."
"I was washing my hands when I felt my back pocket was lighter. I checked and found my wallet was missing. So this man, who had more than everything I could afford, stole from me. What could I do? Report to the police?"

"I felt disgusted and that is when I beat up that beggar and wound up here tonight. I realised that everyone is a jerk. Even those who have never seen the inside of a cell. Fucking Imbeciles."